Latest Tweets:

May 18 2013

*1
“Watching Roadhouse. Patrick Swayze’s jeans can best be described as an ass-blouse. #AssBlouse” - Jacob F.

“Watching Roadhouse. Patrick Swayze’s jeans can best be described as an ass-blouse. #AssBlouse”

- Jacob F.

May 14 2013

"Ugh, my whole body hurts. Well not my ass – hole. My ass hurts."

Chris P.

May 11 2013

"What’s the opposite of sticky rice? Dry rice?"

Alex P.

May 10 2013

*3

"Do you smell butter or cheese, or is that just my upper lip?"

Jeremy M.

May 1 2013

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"My shoulders have gotten bigger. My dick is still the same."

Chris P.

*1

Thats how you earn a raise.

  • Friend: Ew. Getting cum in your eyes KILLS. That happened to me last Thursday.
  • Boss: Wait. You worked for me Thursday. You're saying you came to work with cum in your eyes?
  • Friend: Yeah.
  • Boss: That's amazing dedication. I'm giving you a raise.

April 25 2013

Sex Rehab

  • J: You had sex this week already so you need 12 steps program
  • C: a repeat sex doesn't count
  • J: Seaside Malibu. They have spots for you. Sex is sex, whether is repeat or snowballing.

April 20 2013

"It’s so hard to run in a suit. I don’t know how Bond does it"

Matt P.

April 3 2013

*7

Diogo Morgado is so hot...

  • Mom: Why don't you want to watch "THE BIBLE"?
  • T: I don't want to see the good looking guy get beat up and stabbed.

March 28 2013

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"I have NEVER flung poop at anyone…but a bean burrito is another story."

Jay C.

March 26 2013

"so… where do you want our bridal registry to be? I say Target… And the reception is at Chic Filet."

Chris P.

March 24 2013

"I like guys that are quiet and do what I say."

Matt P.

March 2 2013

"Just thrown shade by Vincent Vigil for eating a bagel with cream cheese. #youknowurgaywhen"

Mike A.

February 16 2013

"I learned my sales tactics from Ursula."

Scott M.

February 1 2013

"I don’t eat Little Ceasar’s, its too greasy. I only Big Ceasars!"

Jay C.