Latest Tweets:

May 22 2012

"Hold on, I think I can make some of those sounds with my ass."

AJ A.

May 20 2012

Buying Shorts

  • Me: "Hi, do you happen to have any crisp black dress booty shorts"
  • Sales Associate: "Yes we do! Are you looking for men?"
  • Me: "I wish, but I think I can fit in a size 6 in women due to my butt"
  • Sales Associate: "Hmm here you go, but they are really really short."
  • Me: "Ok ma'am."
  • Sales Associate: "Are you sure? I mean we do have black khakis in men. Because you are about to purchase REALLY short shorts, and our return poli-"
  • Me: *Looks at name tag* "TIFFANY!, ok honey look at my legs, and look at yours. :) Now hand me the shorts"
  • Sales Associate: "Dressing rooms are right in the back sir!"

May 13 2012

"I wasn’t sure when I read that text if that was you drunk or regular."

Diane B.

May 8 2012

*1

"Alex, I’m sure that over the past nine months you’ve wante— OOH! we could have made a baby by now! I’m sure you’ve wanted to kill me at least once."

AJ A. 

April 30 2012

"What’s a frigate? Is that like a frigate bitch?"

Jay C.

April 27 2012

"Drug addicts love me!"

Mario M.

April 20 2012

"You can be a lover and loose a kidney. I’ll be an asshole an fuck a bitch up!"

Moe D.

April 17 2012

"Too many topless guys running
It’s like grindr with faces"

Chris P.

April 15 2012

Registered?

  • Jamison: How would we find Jeremiah/Clair.
  • Alex: I wouldn't begin to know...
  • Jamison: Facebook?
  • Alex: He closed his accounts.
  • Jamison: Hmm...
  • Alex: Maybe we can reach out to the LGBT Center in Chicago.
  • Jamison: Do you think he'd be registered?
  • Alex: wha... wha...? Its-- its not the NRA!

March 2 2012

"Did everyone really think there was an earthquake? I need to loose weight."

AJ A.

February 29 2012

"I hate Swiss Cheese. Swiss Cheese pisses me off. It pisses me off because you pay more for LESS cheese!"

Amanda M

February 11 2012

Assholes

  • 1: So many assholes!
  • 2: Well it is LA...
  • 1: No! I mean why are there so many pictures of assholes on your phone!

February 10 2012

"How do you spell Shanadeo."

Jay C.

January 30 2012

"Mya Rudolph?! What you doing on up all night?! Oh I thought he said Mya Angelo."

Mario M

"No homo, Scott, It really hurt when I pounded you."

AJ A